At the seams

I could hardly contain my thoughts any longer. They are threatening to burst and they are unsettling.

I woke up today on such a low key. How could anyone possibly cry in their waking moments? I had such a terrible time. I did. I was struggling so much and was crying out for God's peace, for God to just take hold of every moment and every emotion within me.

It's so difficult to find someone with the same wavelength to speak to, it's so difficult to honestly and truthfully share my thoughts with people, people who could understand what I feel, how I feel, and why I feel the way I do during these times of travel. I have came across so many different people from all walks of life. And I truly want to let loose these emotions and tell people what I have thought, what I felt and what I have seen as I traveled. But it's not easy to find somebody who would truly understand what I say. Not because my thoughts are sophisticated but because it's so hard to articulate my thoughts. They are all over the place. And for anyone to truly be able to understand would have to be someone who has the same wavelength as me, somebody who understands the way I think things.

But I couldn't confide in anyone. I tried. But no one was there.

And I could only let my tears fall, as if they were telling stories, telling my thoughts.

Do not get me wrong, life is good. But perhaps I have been just too overwhelmed with what I have seen, felt and thought.

"Today, people are so disconnected that they feel they are blades of grass, but when they know who their grandparents and great-grandparents were, they become trees, they have roots, they can no longer be mowed down" - Maya Angelou

Highlands

Travelling may be amazing. It brings you to places, to landscapes you may not have opportunities to see, to people, to visions you might not have thought you would feel strongly for.

But it also makes you think, whether you like it or not.

 Tomorrow is the final day on the short organized tour from Edinburgh to the highlands and lowlands of Scotland. It has been a stunningly amazing trip and I do not regret a bit. That said, most of the travelling was done on the bus. Unless you have a car, a bus tour (bringing you to places to places) could be the best alternative.

We have the world on the coach – From New Zealand, Singapore, Malaysia, South Africa, Germany, Italy, Portugal, Canada and the United States.

Travelling brings people closer, it bridges differences, bridges ignorance but that is only if you travel with an open heart, when you travel so that you may learn more about others. Less about yourself, more about others. And as you learn about others, you find out new things about yourself and you create new perceptions about yourself.

For one, there was a visually handicapped passenger on the coach. His wife was his eye while he, was the ear of his wife, as he translated most of what the guide was saying. I found this absolutely amazing and beautiful. We were made to complement each other. We may be challenged in a few areas but that’s where people who are strong in these areas to guide us and to help us. I stopped a few times, to close my eyes and to listen to what he might have. What he listened would obviously be more than what I tried and I really should have asked him what he felt and what he saw. (the only thing that was stopping me was to not offend him)

And then you see couples. Young and old. Siblings. Friends. Travelling together. It warms my heart when I see how these old couples make their relationships work. I’m constantly amazed and perhaps renewed in my thoughts about relationships. And seeing siblings travel together makes me miss my brother so much. I miss home… but I know there is a greater purpose as to why I am out here. I just have to keep going and fight the good fight.

Thoughts need to be straightened.

All these fears within me should really be thrashed.

Postcard movement

To be honest, I have a lot of thoughts going on in my head throughout the trips. Especially in the last few days, since it has been mostly sight-seeing, looking at landscapes, and looking at sceneries.

I've come to think that humans in general grumble a lot. Whatever it is, small or massive issues, the first reaction: to grumble, to fuss, to complain. And sometimes it irks me that people just can't appreciate the fact that there are different cultures, and that there are differences amongst people. Of course, I do complain on my part at times too so I'm no saint. But I believe we should all think a little before we speak, filter a little before we speak, be a little more sensitive to different cultures, and be a little more appropriate in the way we speak. I'm not the best at it but I am trying and humanity would be slightly better off if there were a little more understanding amongst people. You may not agree with me and I welcome differences, let me know what you think.

It is great traveling. But I must always remember and to always remind myself that I have to reserve judgments about people. To always reserve opinions. I hope I'll be better at this by the end of the trips I make. And to not offend anybody along the way, obviously.

Finally,

I would love to be part of the postcard movement, so leave a comment, leave me an email, and I will write you some postcards. :)

P.S. after posting this for a day, I found out that i myself was complaining. (ie. complaining about others complaining) ah well.

10,000 hours

Lo and behold, a writing project coming up......

(i type this post so that i won't get away with it)

Featherstone

Travel woes.....

When I travel this happens so often: I get overwhelmed by my emotions. I know, it's got to do with being in a foreign environment and being vulnerable. While on the train today, I thought about things like archiving people. Any kind of people. Be it ex, ex crush, used to be good friends, and what not. I think it is possible to archive people. Because archiving means these people still have a familiar place in your heart and in your life - whether or not they can revert to what they were is an entirely different story. I feel that I have been too sentimental in keeping things, and in retaining memories as well as friendships. I have had a couple of lost friends. Not including subtle ones. Such blatant denouncing of friendships can be so hard to bear. It's never nice to know you're greatly disliked and frowned upon. But I miss these friends so much. They probably can't be bothered about my life anymore but I just can't possibly do the same as they do unto me.

I feel so vulnerable right now. I'm also trying to reserve my thoughts about Oslo. The people are nice and friendly here but this city is just so different from Bergen. I felt so insecure while looking for our hotel. We got quite lost but thank God for helpful Norwegians who initiated to help us with directions and we also got a pretty room. I'm quite settled now but still feel so insecure and fragile. And I absolutely hate feeling like this. 

Final thought: after talking to the Norwegian man on the train today, I figured maybe looking for someone that's 5 years older than me is good.....

Now let me sleep these thoughts away alongside Oslo's pretty lights in the apartment.

Fleeting

Today we were making our way to Bath from Paddington station, London. And train stations tell amazing stories about individuals, couples, and people travelling together. Long comfy train rides are something we can't expect of Singapore, as much as we want for them to materialize. Simply because it just isn't practical or economical or reasonable to have a national rail like that of the UK. But since I'm here... I will make full use of my time observing people, learning from people here and also learning from strangers.

Train stations tell of stories of parting. And I absolutely see that whenever I see couples, young and old, just reluctant to let go. A part of me long for this feeling again. But that's got to wait. There's so many more important things that are awaiting.

xx

Give me love

And my love is yours but your love's not mine

And we'll hate what we have lost but we'll love what we find